Amy Foster

Amy Foster

Every Single Time I Ended a Relationship

The brain knows what the heart refuses to acknowledge. It’s amazing to me, now that I’ve been married for like, a thousand years and have perspective, how often we talk ourselves into staying with someone that is not right for us. We think we can fix it. We think we’ve already put in a significant amount of time and energy into it. We think things will change. We think it’s better than being alone. To this I say that a relationship needs attention and nurturing but, it shouldn’t feel like work. Life is too long (or too short) to share it with someone who isn’t right for you.

That Time I Voted

Seems obvious enough but really, it is beyond insulting to not participate in this privilege that people died to give you. Also, saying that there isn’t a candidate worth voting for is a crap excuse. Because, when you vote, it’s not just for President. You are voting for senators and judges and congressmen and propositions. In that regard, your vote really does count.

When I Told That Kid Walking to Get Off His Phone

So, I was walking down the street and I saw this kid, maybe 15? 16? who walked right across the street without even looking around him because—his eyes were glued to his phone. As he approached me, I literally stood right in front of him and said “Listen, I know I seem like an old lady to you, but you really could have been hurt a second ago if a car had of been coming. People die all the time of terrible things. Don’t be the guy that dies from something stupid and totally preventable, it would break your mother’s heart.” I think he looked scared and maybe a little guilty which was exactly what I was going for.

That Time I Said No and He Listened

When I was younger, sometimes I had difficulty understanding why I wanted to have sex with a particular person. There were very few times I had sex because I was actually turned on, which seems bizarre I know but, sex is confusing, especially when you’re young.  Looking back, it seems like I often had sex to feel powerful or beautiful or desirable. I wanted to connect. I wanted to feel like I was being seen. Sometimes, I did it because I felt like the guy needed it. Sometimes I was oddly, weirdly, showing off. As I got older, I realized those reasons weren’t necessarily bad or wrong but that I deserved more. I’m thinking back to this one time and this one man who I went on a couple dates with. I liked him but, I knew that I probably liked him a little more than he liked me. So, the end of the evening comes and we are hooking up a little bit and it dawns on me that no matter what I do from here on out he’s not going to want me to be his girlfriend. I understood that any connection I made with him that night would only be temporary and I wanted more from him. I told him that I didn’t think it was a good idea to continue. I didn’t apologize (so many women apologize for this!) and he listened when I said no. It’s not like I never made a mistake after that but I became a lot wiser about sex.

Those Times I Said No to Another Drink (and other stuff)

Every stupid thing I ever did or said was because I was under the influence. When I got into my 20s I resolved that I could have fun but I never needed to be out of control. Life is scary enough. I didn’t need to add to its inherent dangers by putting myself at such a disadvantage.

The Time I Told My Friend the Truth about that Outfit

Listen, shopping can be a minefield. Sales people want to make sales- some are great, but some, not exactly altruistic. Also, some fashions are just not flattering even though they are trendy. It’s a friend’s job to be brutally honest in the fitting room. Friends prevent you from having to deal with the dreaded “it looked okay in the store. Why doesn’t it look good at home? How much did this cost again?!”

That Time I Said “Why Don’t You Shut Your Stupid Face ****! (Name Withheld Because I’m A Grown Up Now)

When I was in middle school there was this girl. Yeah, you know where this is going…So anyways this girl was so mean. She wasn’t even subtle about it. She would just say things like:  “Oh my god that is such a huge zit on your forehead!” or “Seriously, why would he ask you out? Are you sure he wasn’t just playing a joke on you?” So anyways this girl stepped up to my best friend one day. I won’t repeat what she said but it was awful. I just snapped. She had always scared me, or rather, the political power she wielded at school like a finely honed weapon scared me. But, on that day I had enough. I told her to shut her stupid face. Which she did. Admittedly not my best come back, but this is middle school we’re talking about! But I’m glad I stuck up for my friend and I knew I did the right thing.

That Time I Said “It’s Going to Be Okay” To A Stranger

I was in line at the grocery store and there was a woman holding a very cranky baby in front of me. She didn’t have much food and when she tried her credit card it didn’t go through. I saw tears spring instantly into her eyes and before they could do the whole “why don’t you try it again thing?” I gave the cashier my card.  I got an extra 100 dollars out and while they were bagging up her goods I said “I’ve been there. You won’t always be where you are right now. It’s going to be okay.” The lady began to cry for real and she gave me a hug. I truly believe there is a sisterhood among women, especially among mothers. We have to take care of each other.

All The Times I Said No Way To My Kids

There are times, admittedly, when I give in and let my kids watch TV all day, or extend their curfew or add more money to their allowance. But, I take it as a victory every time I say no. Saying no is not easy. It’s far easier to say yes and be the good guy. However, happy, successful and productive kids aren’t raised by parents who say yes all the time.

That Time I Said “But, This Is What I Want.”

I spent years trying to please people. First it was my parents. Then, it was my friends. Inevitably, there were guys. Then, there was a husband and the kids. Somewhere along the way I lost my fire. I still wanted things, but I forgot how badly I wanted them. I knew that if I didn’t take back my power, I would spend the rest of my life getting less than I deserved. It’s so hard as a parent to put yourself first. There has to be a balance though. The balance is everything. Balance makes you into the kind of mom that your kids want to emulate.